Shepherds, Deserts, Flowers and Sheep

In His Arms, 24x30", pastel

It's been a long time since I've written here.

Why?

In part, I didn't think I had anything more to say that was of real value to anyone. This isn't false modesty or fishing for affirmation. I KNOW my worth in Christ and that He sometimes uses me to speak.

It's been a dry time, however. Desert plants turn all their energy inward, conserving what's given them to be able to bloom when the time comes.

I hope that applies to me. I think it does.

I'm laughing now because I just looked back to my previous post! The season to bloom is coming, not because of anything I've done but because God has provided the ideal conditions to grow me.

It seems some desert plants die if they get too much water. I may have felt kind of dessicated the last few months, but in fact I've been gathering strength beneath the surface.

Odd segue here, but stay with me...

The reason I decided to post now is because I just came upon the painting above. No, I never intended the shepherd to be Jesus, just a Middle Eastern shepherd holding his lamb. However, when I painted it back in 2004 I fully intended that lamb to represent me. Please notice that she's safe in her shepherd's arms, and although she isn't really hurting she is complaining loudly and long.

I should paint a companion piece now, featuring a lamb who is just glad to be where she is. It's so nice to have your heavenly Shepherd carry you. I'm resting in His arms in a way I couldn't in the past. He needed to let me get really thirsty on a long, dry, dusty road.

Psalm 23 says " He leads me beside still waters..." I'm glad to be there.

Now I want to curl up in His arms, or quietly follow Him. I wonder where we're going next? 

"Bloom where you are planted."

Poppies, gouache, 8x10"

All my life I've heard the saying, "bloom where you are planted," but today as I was taking my walk I started meditating on it. I think it's misleading...

Maybe my take on it is wrong, but when I hear it I assume that I should be content where I am, and that I should also, well, bloom. Even if I'm in the shade I should be bearing flowers or fruit. Even if it's cold and wintry, as a happy little plant I could make things better and bear some fruit. Even if I'm planted in the desert in very dry conditions, I should be blooming, assuming I'm doing this all correctly.

Isn't that what you think when you hear it? I know--I should simply accept my unchangeable surroundings and make the best of them. Accept the inevitable and make do. Find the good aspects of the situation and bear a little fruit...

It seems to presume that I can and should bloom despite where I am.

But I can't always.

My point is, "bloom where you are planted" implies that I can make myself bloom. Have you ever seen a plant that could do that? I'm picturing a strawberry trying to push out a flower, knowing that she will bear a sweet little bit of fruit. Does she concentrate? Try to spread out her leaves and gather more sunshine? Wiggle her roots deeper into the soil? I know, maybe she pushes and grunts and tries to think fruity thoughts. Ever seen a strawberry transplanting herself? Does she yell at the gardener, asking for more fertilizer?

Blooming doesn't require her to change her mind and accept things or become resigned to them. No, she simply lives.

Let's face it, if it isn't the right season or she doesn't have the correct growing conditions, she is not going to bring forth a flower or fruit. All the striving in the world won't make a blossom bud if it's not the right time.

No, that only happens when it's time for her to blossom.

Either she will or she won't bloom because of the kind of plant she is, the place she is now growing and the conditions God allows in her life--the sunshine and rain, erosion or pests.That's totally up to the Lord and His intentions for her.

So I think it might be better for me to think of it this way. Instead of "bloom where you are planted," maybe it should be "you'll bloom in season."

I'm not to strive to blossom. Blossoming is not my job, it's what results from what God has made me to be.

I pray that He will allow me to bear fruit for His kingdom, in His time, in His way, and in His perfect will. Without striving, I hope to see how this unfolds in my life seasonally. His will be done. Amen.


"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

A Day of Heart Lessons

Heart lessons can be so challenging! I seem to be able to absorb lessons in my mind so much more easily than into my heart.

These pearls, for instance. Someone stole them, along with the whole box of jewelry.

I know these verses and I believe them.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal;  for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

 I know this parable.

“Behold, the sower went out to sow; and as he sowed, some seeds fell beside the road, and the birds came and ate them up. Others fell on the rocky places, where they did not have much soil; and immediately they sprang up, because they had no depth of soil. But when the sun had risen, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away. Others fell among the thorns, and the thorns came up and choked them out. And others fell on the good soil and yielded a crop, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty."

 And I know its explanation.

"When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road.  The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;  yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he falls away. And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings forth, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty.”

I know those verses. So why has it taken until today for things to reach my heart? 

Heart lessons are more than just knowing the lesson. They convict me of sin and show me the path I must take, not merely fitting into my mind like a puzzle piece. They change me.

Heart lessons are often hard lessons.  

Take this one. I had a box full of treasure tucked away doing nothing of eternal value. Until my treasure was stolen by a thief, I was blissfully unthinking, merely assuming it was mine because it was there. But the day after the break-in and theft, as I mourned the loss of the value of the collection, particularly some items with sentimental meaning, it was as if my heavenly Father whispered to me, "Daughter, I have need of MY jewelry elsewhere." 

I started thinking about the "deceitfulness of wealth." I have been deceived. I thought the jewelry was 'mine', even as I said everything I had was His. I never once thought about putting it to eternal uses. Oh, as the value of gold and silver increased I toyed with the idea of selling some of the pieces I didn't care that much about, but in essence I fooled myself, not thinking of this collection of jewelry as "treasure on earth"--in fact, not thinking about it much at all! It was there and it was mine and that was that. 

Until my heavenly Father decided He needed to relocate His jewelry. I don't need to know why, nor to what uses He plans to put it. I simply need to gracefully accept His will and perhaps start to look around to see if I have any other "treasure on earth" that I haven't considered. It would have been such a blessing to have been involved in the redistribution of that jewelry. That would have changed my heart, too, in a way that would have brought me joy and freedom. But since I missed that opportunity, being deceived as I was, maybe now I'll recognize the next opportunity. 

I'm so grateful for this hard but valuable heart lesson. Like a good daddy, the Lord takes things from me when I hold too tightly to what is 'mine'. He wants me to share. I'm learning.

The Art of Spiritual Whack-a-Mole

Have you ever been to a carnival or arcade and played Whack-a-Mole? You know, it's the game where there are multiple holes out of which little mole heads pop up at random times. You stand there whacking away, trying to keep them all down. The faster you go, the faster they pop up until you're frantically flailing at all these heads.

So, I woke up early this morning and lay in bed playing a few rounds of spiritual Whack-a-Mole.

Wait, let's get one thing clear before I go on. I know I'm redeemed and thoroughly forgiven. I know I'm positionally clean before God, by the cleansing blood of Christ, my Savior. I'm good with all that.

But I carry around this sin nature that's still prone to pop up like those mole heads, sometimes fast and furious.

I start thinking about something that happened in the past, focused on an injustice done to me or a misjudgment made regarding my character or behavior. I'm the star of my show. I usually start writing a beautifully phrased letter or email in my mind, addressed to someone I believe needs to have things 'clarified'. It's not long before I'm totally focused on the circumstances and the injustices, seething with emotions, accusing others right and left, and just generally over-the-top angry all over again. A fat lot of good my clarification has done.

I'm not praying to God--I'm complaining. I'm not petitioning Him--I'm kvetching. And of course, about that time I sense His displeasure with me, and begin to realize that I'm doing it again. My spiritual version of Whack-a-Mole has become its own art form.

"I remember when he..." Up pops anger. "Sorry, Lord. Forgive me and help me to be patient."  WHACK!

"She had the gall to say..." Up pops criticism. "Oh, Lord, give me a heart of real forgiveness." WHACK!

"He did that to me on purpose..." Up pops hate. "Lord, help me to love others as I love myself."  WHACK!

"She's smart as kelp..." Up pops a malice. "Lord, I need to be kind." WHACK!

"I spent six years doing that and they treated me like..." Up pops pride. "Father, I repent. Grant me humility."  WHACK!

"I should actually send this letter..." Up pops discontent and resentment. "Sweet Jesus, help me to trust you for what I need and let go of what I think I should receive in this life I live." WHACK, WHACK!

Up pops rebellion, slander and envy. "Dear Heavenly Father, my Savior, I surrender control of my life, and ask You to forgive me for this black hole in my heart." WHACK, WHACK, WHACK!  

"PLEASE RELEASE ME FROM THIS PLACE OF STRIFE!"

And He does.

Sometimes I get going fast and furious, thinking I can just pray it all away, but you know what? My sins can just overwhelm me. Yes, of course I need to sort them out with the Lord, pray them through, be honest and clearheaded.

But in the end I need to stop, give in and let Him take it all away. The Lord may not change the circumstances around me, but He'll change me in the circumstances.

Today the Holy Spirit led me to Psalm 130:3-6.

If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
          O Lord, who could stand?

But there is forgiveness with You,
          That You may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
          And in His word do I hope.

My soul waits for the Lord
          More than the watchmen for the morning;
          Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.

And so I wait. Amen.

WIP=Work In Progress

I heard not long ago that the inscription on Ruth Bell Graham's tomb reads:

"END OF CONSTRUCTION. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE."

It started me thinking about the construction work the Lord is doing in my life and how it's a lot like a painting in progress. Let's face it, construction, like a partly done painting, can be quite a mess. I've had people walk into my studio at times and grimace at a painting on the easel. It's a misconception to think it looks good from start to finish. Trust me, it doesn't, and in fact every painting goes through its 'ugly stage' (see above.)

But I have a vision of the way it should look in the end, and in most cases I can complete a painting to my satisfaction. It pleases me to know where I'm heading and how I'll get there, even in the ugly phase.

My life has been going through an ugly stage lately, not because He lacks any skill or intention, but because the materials just have to be molded that way, it seems. You can see how the wet paint in the painting above has bled into the paper, out of bounds, all blotchy and smeared. But it's how the paint behaves on that paper with that amount of water. I simply let it dry and continued painting. I rather like what's there in the progress shot, even though it's odd looking, because there's some beauty showing already. I suspect Jesus looks at our lives in progress with the same optimism. And of course what He's doing is a far superior work to my humble painting.

He's patient because He has the plan already worked out. It may be a little ugly, yet also kind of interesting, and even beautiful in places now, but He knows the end from the beginning--another way of saying He knows how it will come out.

Meantime, I hope all of you, my loved ones, will be patient with me, too. I'm only a WIP in the hands of my Maker. So for now I say:

"UNDER CONSTRUCTION. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE."

Love Learning

 "Don't attempt to master a painting. 

Love the attempt."

I stole--er, borrowed this quote from Carol Marine's blog today.  I like it.

I'm in the throes of trying some new things in gouache on my tiny little pieces of paper, and having a ball despite my failed attempts.

I often fall to the feeling that I must MASTER this painting right now. I can see it, I know what I want to have happen, so it must now work.

But it doesn't--not when I force it.

It only starts to come together when my attitude becomes one of a child on an adventure, exploring possibilities, learning from my mistakes, and growing slowly in my understanding.

And of course, that often describes my walk with Christ.

I've tried to buckle down and behave myself, and good behavior is important, but my attempt isn't what makes it work. It's when I surrender control to Him--again and again and again and again--and ask to be shown the way and given what's needed that I progress. When I walk like a child, learning, trusting God, growing slowly, I progress.

So my prayer has become one of surrender:

Lord, I intend to obey

and submit 

and let go of anger 

and not be conformed to this world. 

Please firm me in this intention 

and strengthen me in Your power to enact it.